i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
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Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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