Don't make out with my wife yet
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
