I hate your face
This girl is more easily done than said...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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