They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
