I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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