In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
they need to just BURY HIM!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
