PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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