I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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