I feel great
I just peed on a car
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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