It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
