didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
