I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
