i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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