Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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