is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
