I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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