how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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