proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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