I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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