you have to choose: penises or morals?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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