Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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