she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
