Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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