I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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