I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
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Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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