i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
