That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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