Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
