I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
