I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
