You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it's like iHOP with fire
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
