sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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