I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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