'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
