There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
