he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just forgot I was standing up.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
