Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
