Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
