I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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