So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
