I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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