hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
