I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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