You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
