3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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