I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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