He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
