I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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