We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
