Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.