I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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