Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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