im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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