And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
