I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
