Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
