It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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